His Love Extended Ministries - Rev. Joe Diaz

Quick Jokes by Chris Long

Joe Diaz — Mon, 06 Sep 2010 03:45:44 +0000

A concerned husband went to a doctor to talk about his wife. He says to the doctor, “Doctor, I think my wife is deaf because she never hears me the first time and I always have to repeat things.”

”Well,” the doctor replied, “Go home and tonight stand about 15 feet from her and say something to her. If she doesn’t reply move about 5 feet close and say it again. Keep doing this so that we’ll get an idea about the severity of her deafness”.

Sure enough, the husband goes home and does exactly as instructed. He starts off about 15 feet from his wife in the kitchen as she is chopping some vegetables and says, “Honey, what’s for dinner?” He hears no response. He moves about 5 feet closer and asks again. No reply. He moves 5 feet closer. Still no reply. He gets fed up and moves right behind her, about an inch away, and asks again, “Honey, what’s for dinner?”

She replies, “For the fourth time, vegetable stew!”

—–

After a long and serious operation, Lena ended up in a coma. Try as they might, the doctors just couldn’t bring her out of it. When her husband Ralph came into the intensive care unit to see her, the doctors gave him the bad news.

”We just can’t wake her. It doesn’t look good I’m afraid” the doctor told Ralph in a quiet somber voice.

Ralph looked at Lena and with a soft trembling voice said “But doctor, she’s so young. She’s only 45.”

”37″ came the weak reply from Lena

—–

An elderly woman had just returned to her home from an evening of religious service when she was startled by an intruder. As she caught the man in the act of robbing her home of its valuables, she yelled, “Stop! Acts 2:38!” (..turn from your sin…)

The burglar stopped dead in his tracks. Then the woman calmly called the police and explained what she had done.

As the officer cuffed the man to take him in, he asked the burglar,”Why did you just stand there? All the old lady did was yell a scripture at you.”

“Scripture?” replied the burglar, “She said she had an AXE and two 38s!”

CONTACT / FINAL INFO

You can contact me via the web at http://www.laughandlift.com/contact.html

May you have a WONDERFUL day today!

Your Brother in Christ,

Chris Long
Laugh & Lift Ministries
http://www.laughandlift.com

PARABLE OF THE CANDLES

Joe Diaz — Mon, 06 Sep 2010 03:44:05 +0000

PARABLE OF THE CANDLES
(by Max Lucado)

There was a blackout one night. When the lights went out, I fumbled to the closet where we keep the candles for nights like this…I lit four of them.

I was turning to leave with the large candle in my hand when I heard a voice, “Now, hold it right there.”

“Who said that?”

“I did.” The voice was near my hand.

“Who are you? What are you?”

“I’m a candle.”

I lifted up the candle to take a closer look. There was a tiny face in the wax.

“Don’t take me out of here!”

“What?”

“I said, Don’t take me out of this room.”

“What do you mean? I have to take you out. You’re a candle. Your job is to give light. It’s dark out there.”

“But you can’t take me out. I’m not ready,” the candle explained with pleading eyes. “I need more preparation.”

I couldn’t believe my ears. “More preparation?”

“Yeah, I’ve decided I need to research this job of light-giving so I won’t go out and make a bunch of mistakes. You’d be surprised how distorted the glow of an untrained candle can be….”

“All right then,” I said. “You’re not the only candle on the shelf. I’ll blow you out and take the others!”

But right then I heard other voices, “We aren’t going either!” I turned to the other candles, “You are candles and your job is to light dark places!”

“Well, that may be what you think,” said the first one, “You may think we have to go, but I’m busy…I’m meditating on the importance of light. It’s really enlightening.”…

“And you other two,” I asked, “are you going to stay too?”

A short, fat, purple candle with plump cheeks spoke up. “I’m waiting to get my life together, I’m not stable enough.”

The last candle had a female voice, very pleasant to the ear. “I’d like to help, “she explain,”but lighting the darkness is not my gift…I’m a singer. I sing to other candles to encourage them to burn more brightly.”

She began a rendition of “This Little Light of Mine” The other three joined in, filling the closet with singing….I took a step back and considered the absurdity of it all. Four perfectly healthy candles singing to each other about light but refusing to come out of the closet.

Here is a question for you, when was the last time you shared the gospel to someone? This world is full of darkness, with many people stumbling around trying to find their way. You can be a light for them, and believe me, there’s a light waiting for you. It can all happen with something as sharing the faith, to just a smile across the room, to a quick hello to a forgotten friend.

“You are the light of the world. A city on a hill cannot be hid. Neither do men light a candle and put it under a bushel, but on a candlestick; and it giveth light unto all that are in the house. LET YOUR LIGHT SO SHINE BEFORE MEN THAT THEY MAY SEE YOUR GOOD WORKS, AND GLORIFY YOUR FATHER WHICH IS IN HEAVEN.” Matthew 5:14-16

30 Days With Billy

Joe Diaz — Mon, 06 Sep 2010 03:39:28 +0000

“We cannot, and we must not, isolate ourselves from the world in which we live and the problems it faces…The Gospel of Christ has no meaning unless it’s applied to our fellow man who hurts and is in need. That’s our neighbor, and Jesus said we’re to love our neighbor as ourselves.” - Billy Graham

Watching With Jesus

Joe Diaz — Sun, 05 Sep 2010 18:32:35 +0000

Watching With Jesus

E. Hayden

“Stay here and watch with Me” (Matthew 26:38).

“Watch with Me.” Jesus was saying, in effect, “Watch with no private point of view at all, but watch solely and entirely with Me.” In the early stages of our Christian life, we do not watch with Jesus, we watch for Him. We do not watch with Him through the revealed truth of the Bible even in the circumstances of our own lives. Our Lord is trying to introduce us to identification with Himself through a particular “Gethsemane” experience of our own. But we refuse to go, saying, “No, Lord, I can’t see the meaning of this, and besides, it’s very painful.” And how can we possibly watch with Someone who is so incomprehensible? How are we going to understand Jesus sufficiently to watch with Him in His Gethsemane, when we don’t even know why He is suffering? We don’t know how to watch with Him—we are only used to the idea of Jesus watching with us.

The disciples loved Jesus Christ to the limit of their natural capacity, but they did not fully understand His purpose. In the Garden of Gethsemane they slept as a result of their own sorrow, and at the end of three years of the closest and most intimate relationship of their lives they “all … forsook Him and fled” (26:56).

“They were all filled with the Holy Spirit …” (Acts 2:4). “They” refers to the same people, but something wonderful has happened between these two events—our Lord’s death, resurrection, and ascension—and the disciples have now been invaded and “filled with the Holy Spirit.” Our Lord had said, “You shall receive power when the Holy Spirit has come upon you …” (Acts 1:8). This meant that they learned to watch with Him the rest of their lives.

Thorns and Thrones

Joe Diaz — Sun, 05 Sep 2010 18:26:39 +0000

Thorns and Thrones
(Written by B.J. Hoff)

I’d rather gather roses without thorns, Lord,
A bright and fragrant, beautiful bouquet.
To decorate my world with pretty pleasures,
The brambles and the briers, I’ll throw away.

But You say I must pluck the thorns as well, Lord,
Though they’ll pierce my heart and sting my soul;
You say that pain’s a part of peace,
You tell me, that breaking is a part of being whole.

You say that if I truly want to know You,
I must count everything but Christ a loss;
You ask me to exchange my will for Yours, Lord,
To trade my own plans for a cross.

And so I come before You, weak but willing;
I seek to walk Your path, and not my own;
I choose to share the crown of thorns You wore, Lord,
Until I kneel before Your royal throne.

When life seems to hold more thorns than roses, may you remember that Jesus, who knows all about thorns, stands close beside you to see you through.

“Let us then approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.” Hebrews 4:16 (NIV)

30 Days With Billy

Joe Diaz — Sun, 05 Sep 2010 18:24:02 +0000

Speaking of tragedies in our lives, Billy Graham said: “Times like this will do one of two things: They will either make us hard and bitter and angry at God, or they will make us tender and open, and help us reach out in trust and faith. I pray that you will not let bitterness poison your soul, but that you would turn in faith and trust to God, even if we cannot understand. It is far better to face something like this with God’s strength than to face it alone and without Him. My prayer for you today is that you will feel the loving arms of God wrapped around you, and will know in your heart that He will never forsake you as you trust Him.” – Billy Graham, speaking at the memorial service for those lost in the Oklahoma City bombing in 1995

Today’s CleanPun – Investing Advice

Joe Diaz — Sat, 04 Sep 2010 21:23:27 +0000

Jim was having reasonable success playing the stock market when George expressed a desire to give it a try.

Jim advised him on what stocks to buy, what to stay clear of, etc. In his list of “pointers” was the fact that George should invest only small sums.

But George threw caution to the wind and six months later, sent an e-mail to Jim. It said, “So much for your pointers. Now, send me some retrievers!”

Shared by Pastor Tim Davis

Cybersalt Digest

Today’s CleanQuote

Joe Diaz — Sat, 04 Sep 2010 21:20:50 +0000

“Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional.”

(Author Unknown)

Things Are Not Always the Way They Appear

Joe Diaz — Sat, 04 Sep 2010 21:17:50 +0000

Things Are Not Always the Way They Appear
(Author Unknown)

Things are not always the way they may appear. For example, a woman’s dog got out of the yard and later returned with a rabbit in its mouth. She realized it was the neighbors’ pet rabbit, and knew she would never be able to tell them what happened. Since they were out of town, she hit upon a plan. She took the rabbit into the bathroom, washed it off, and blew its fur dry. Then she took the rabbit to the neighbors’ backyard and put the rabbit back in its cage. She thought the neighbors would discover the rabbit dead and think it died in the cage, and would never suspect what really happened.

On Monday, there was a knock at the door, and when she answered, her neighbor was standing there. He asked her if she had seen anyone in their backyard over the weekend. She said no. He said, “Did you see anything strange going on around our house or yard?” Again, she denied seeing anything suspicious. She said, “Why are you asking me these questions? What happened?” He said, “Well, something really strange is going on in my backyard. On Friday our rabbit died, so we buried it in the backyard. But when we came back from the weekend, it was back in the cage!”

The moral of this little story: trust God even when we don’t understand some of our experiences, — because things aren’t always the way they appear.

Integrity

Joe Diaz — Sat, 04 Sep 2010 21:15:24 +0000

“Many people ask, what is integrity? It means a person is the same on the inside as he or she claims to be on the outside. A man of integrity can be trusted. He is the same person alone in a hotel room a thousand miles from home as he is at work or in his community or with his family. We have seen the tragic results of moral breakdown and shattered trust in people – from leaders in business and government to well-known sports figures, to husbands, wives, and families and, yes, even the church. The erosion of basic moral and spiritual values seems to be getting more serious at every level of society…It’s easy to point the finger at prominent people accused of corruption. We can easily see their sins and the results. But a careful look reveals that the same poison of self-gratification and greed exists in our hearts as well. We all make decisions based on what we truly believe. Many people today wonder if there is absolute truth. They say there is only perspective, that truth is whatever you perceive it to be; whatever works for you. If that is the case, then there is no right or wrong, only differing opinions, and one is as good as another. But God’s standard is expressed in the Bible, and the ultimate example of that standard is Jesus Christ. Jesus said, ‘You will know the truth and the truth will set you free’ (John 8:32). When we live by this truth, we possess integrity…I believe integrity can be restored to a society one person at a time. The choice belongs to each of us.” - Billy Graham